My Story
I recently began volunteering at The Pregnancy Care Center (PCC) in Eureka, California. While volunteering, I was thinking about what service I could provide to help potential clients. I came to the conclusion that the best way to help was to share a personal experience that some may connect with. I would like to share my experience with an unplanned pregnancy in hopes that it may help someone, in the same position, to find hope and know that they’re not alone.
At the age of seventeen, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant and more freaked out than I had ever been in my whole life! My initial thought was, “Oh my, how can I make this go away as soon as possible, so that no one will have to know? Is that possible?” I could not bear to face people at school. if they found out, but my biggest fear was telling my family. Hurting my mother was perhaps my greatest fear. My family had been through so much I did not want to be a disappointment. The thought of telling my loved ones and friends was petrifying; I didn’t want to have to do that.
My body was going through so many changes I did not understand. I just wanted help from anyone outside of my friends and family, someone who did not know me. Days went by, and I finally got a confidential doctor’s appointment. The doctor informed me that the pregnancy test was positive. I was shocked and scared. She told me that for my situation, abortion was probably my best option. She also reminded me that the decision was mine to make, and that I should not to be influenced by anyone else. It was confidential, no one needed to know. She left the room for a moment and returned to let me know that there was an appointment open for an abortion later that week.
I went home completely scared and alone. I was so hormonal, a ball of emotions, and very distraught. I did not necessarily want an abortion, but I felt it was the easiest, and really, the only way out. Although I was sure there would be some sort of emotional effect, I thought I could deal with it later. I knew that I was a very sensitive girl and that this may change me forever, but it seemed like it was what I had to do. I figured I could deal with how badly it might affect me, but at least everyone I cared about would be okay. Again, I recall feeling it was the only way to make my secret go away. I was hurting. I think the biggest thing I remember feeling was alone and really afraid of how disappointed the people close to me would be.
I was living with my mother at the time of the pregnancy. As I look back, I am sure she sensed something going on with me, as mothers tend to do. My mom has always been very intuitive with my sisters and me. My older sister had an unplanned pregnancy one year prior, at the age of 18, and I did not want to be the cause of another crisis. Disappointing my family, especially my mother, was something I really wanted to avoid and could not bear the thought of. I had just started having sex and was so caught up with the emotions that it brought into my life. The pregnancy had come as such a shock to me; I had been much more concerned with my emotions than birth control at the time of conception. I now felt ashamed.
It was a Sunday afternoon, as I recall, and my mother had just gotten home from church. I was sitting on the front porch as she pulled up. When she walked up to the porch, she asked if we could talk. She continued on to tell me that while in church that day, she had a vision of me being pregnant and wanted to know if there was any truth to it. I could not help myself; I broke down in a flood of tears. As much as I did not want anyone to know, I needed so badly for someone to know! My mother told me that she hoped I would make the best decision, but that she would support me through whatever choice I made. She reassured me that she was not mad at me and that we were going to do this together. I felt a flood of relief, and a sense of freedom. She reminded me that feeling ashamed was an unneeded emotion, and that we were going to deal with the future, rather than the past. What was done was done, and beating myself up was useless and would only hurt me more. I felt free to make a decision. I was no longer alone. It was not a secret anymore, and I did not have to hastily make it go away. I cannot express enough how much freedom that brought me inside. I started to check out all my options. I now had the time to really explore what all my choices entailed. Now that the truth was out, I could put my fears of what my close friends and family would think aside. They all knew now. I realized I had support and love, and all I needed to do was reach out. This was a very pivotal point. I remember my priorities completely changing. Instead of being so freaked out of what people were going to think, I could now focus on the best decision for this child and myself. What a relief. I could actually be still and relax for a moment; I was exhausted.
Now it was time to think about the next phase, a decision. Now that I had some support, I could really think about my options instead of making a hasty decision (which had never really settled well with me). After days of contemplation, I remember thinking a lot about what option would be best for this child. With my emotions aside, I wanted to give him the best life possible. I knew I wanted to give my child a two parent home. I wanted to give him the best possible situation to grow up in. I wanted him to have the best chance at life, and at this point I was the one that could give him that. His father had become incarcerated and would be there for a long time; so he was out of the picture. The decision was mine and no one was going to take that away!
I choose to look into adoption a little further. I found a very supportive group of people (like those at the Pregnancy Care Center) to help and counsel me. I still felt very in control and that was important to me. I did not feel pressured but I did feel informed. I found an agency that would support adoption or motherhood, whichever I chose. Again I wanted to put myself aside and really think about how I could provide the best life for my child. I knew the effects of coming from a broken home and wanted to take that into consideration. I also wanted to consider the impact of me raising him as a single parent. I knew I would love him and be a good mom. It was very important for me to put him first, so I took a long time weighing the pros and cons. I know some may not understand this. The thought of giving my child to someone else, wow! I do understand the importance of loyalty. I come from a very tight knit family. I knew I would probably be judged by people, but my love for this child was beyond me being concerned of what others thought anymore. My love grew every day that he did. I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, especially the bigger he got. But even bigger was that I wanted him to have the best life. I wanted him to be born into the best situation possible. Life is hard and I wanted to do what I could to make it a little easier for my baby. As much as I wanted him with me forever, reality was, he may have a better life with someone else.
I went through an agency much like ones the Pregnancy Care Center refers to. This agency was one that helps you decide on a family. They also help you decide on the terms of the adoption. I went through many files on families waiting to adopt a child. I was not going through with the adoption unless I felt one hundred and twenty percent sure they were right for my child. To make a long and amazing story shorter, I met Pam and William and they were perfect. I knew right away. There were many stipulations I had, and they fit right in.
Over the next few months we spent time getting to know each other. The more I got to know them, the more I knew they were right for my child. When my baby was born, his new parents gave him the name Samuel. When we were all ready to leave the hospital we sat around to say our goodbyes. William, Sam’s new dad, said something that I have kept with me ever since. He said “this was not one of those situations were something bad is turned to good, this was meant to be from the beginning; Sam was meant to be! He was not a mistake”. William was right, he was absolutely meant to live a full beautiful life with his new parents, and I have never regretted giving that to him. I loved him from day one, and I always will.
I wanted to share my story to let people, who may find themselves in a situation like mine, know there are options. I thank God that someone reached out to me. I am fortunate to have a mother who is intuitive and loves me with all her heart. I know that is not always the case. My hope is that those who feel as if they have no one will realize that that is not the truth. There are people who will offer love and support through any difficult situation. One of the biggest things I learned was that having someone to talk to makes a world of difference. I know what it’s like to feel so alone that you want to shut down and disappear. The Pregnancy Care Center is a trusted, confidential place that offers help for women in need and is dedicated to helping those who find themselves pregnant, confused and alone. The people who work there will give the information and support needed to make an informed decision. Deciding what choice to make, when dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, is a huge decision that affects everyone, no matter what decision is made. For a free, confidential pregnancy test or for someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to call the Pregnancy Care Center at 707-442-2345.
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